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The F-Bomb Dictionary

15 May

So, screaming “Fuck, fuck, fuck!!” may not be the most rational response to blowing a hundred and eighty bucks on a red light camera  turn arrow, but it is a truthful one. No other word, or combination there-of, could come close to encapsulating the frustration as that cursed fucker (There it is again) of a box happy snapped my car and wallet.

Do the crime, do the time yeah yeah yada yada.

But that isn’t what this is about. It’s about my love for one of the last mongrel words, fuck.

We Australians especially, have retained the slap-in-the-face quality that the f-bomb thrives on. Is there a  response that defines us as a people better than fuck knows mate…? Our flat vowels were designed, it seems, just for this word. Oh just fuck off. Good one fuckhead. Fuckety-fuck-fuck. It’s a silly, angry word, one that still turns disapproving heads when shouted on public streets. Not the shrinking disbelief conjured by a piped up C-Bomb mind you, but heads turn none the less. Good on us.

The Yanks have trademarked the word almost into oblivion. Motherfucker and fuck you have such  musicality with the northern accent that the word often seems the softest section of a hostile phrase.  (I do like the power of their dickheads however) But they, more so than Oz, have racial taunts that can stop a street, so perhaps it’s a case of there being room for only one cultural  fucktaculous type fuck word, so fuck itself has been bumped.

It’d be a shame if the word lost its vulgar place here. I’m not sure I want to live in a world where the C-Bomb is considered the peak of offence.  A peak is an apex, and I just won’t have it.

To that end, I would present the following words for consideration into the newly authored, F-Bomb dictionary.

Fucktard n – A foolish person. One whom dickhead does not serve to capture the artistry of their folly.

Fuckscape n – A crowded freeway or shopping mall.

Fuckmare n – Unforeseen delays in travel. Plans gone awry. adj. fuckmarish

You get the drift. How many more variations are there of this glorious, stupid word?